Knowing What You Want

  I knew as a young man that my family should not have to witness the events that I did as a child. I grew up in an alcoholic house and later learned that drugs were also being used. My dad is an alcoholic/addict . Nobody ever explains these things to children. My brother and I were told dad "had the flu" as the reason he was puking or passed out in the bathroom.
  A few years later he was the cool dad.Bought beer and wine for me and my friends when we were learning to party so we would be cool. Taught me how to drive while being high but always telling me not to drink and drive. Nobody ever got a speeding ticket when they were high was his motto.
  I took all those life lessons from dad and decided that was no life for my wife and children. Sure my wife has seen me drunk but that was many years ago. My oldest daughter remembers me being drunk once in particular. But as the girls grew older I knew I wanted them to have a normal childhood. No drunken fights with their mother or dad having the flu. I wanted to set an example and teach them from my life lessons.
  Knowing what you want and getting it are two seperate things. Even though I didn't do the things my dad did my girls still found the alcohol and drugs. We as parents are kidding ourselves if we think that they won't find the drugs and alcohol. It's gonna happen. It's called peer pressure.
  Little did I know that one daughter had found the hard stuff. She had become an addict. We missed all the signs for so long. I thought with my experiance I would be able to tell if the girls were coming home drunk or high. Man was I fooled. I was fooled for years. I was kinda embarassed for having the wool pulled over my eyes. Not what I wanted.
  I have come to terms with myself. I"m not to blame . The outcome of what I wanted and what I got is just a bump in the road. My ad is getting help now and has grown as a person and discovered much about herself. I will continue to teach my girls as I have always done and I tell them "that one day you"ll realize dad was right". I hope it is sooner than later and they will know what they want and don't want in life.